It’s a done deal: Lebron is gone from Cleveland. Now why, as a doctor, would I bring this up?

Turns out Lebron is from my hometown. My daughter knows where she lives, everyone knows. I was recently talking to a doctor friend of mine who said people stop him when he’s riding his bike to ask directions to Lebron’s house (which he gladly gives). They live in the rich part of the city, a beautiful area, much nicer than Miami.

I respect LeBron. I respect his talent. I respect that in his post-game interviews he has freely given of his time, and I never heard him speak ill of anyone. He is the same age as my son, he graduated from high school the same year and has certainly chosen to deal with stressors that most ‘kids’ his age never have to deal with. I know that his life is not perfect and that he continues to face challenges common to all of us.

But back to the question, why did Lebron leave? I heard him say on multiple occasions that he wanted to win championships and I believe him. Maybe he could do this in Cleveland, maybe not. I can see how frustrating it would be to be recognized as the best basketball player and not win the highest award. Are you really the best if your team is not? I understand that he wants to push himself to the limit, to grab the golden ticket. Earning is very important in America, especially for men, especially for those raised in a disadvantaged home.

But Lebron’s hometown did care if he stayed. And his hometown is Akron, not Cleveland. In fact, our pastor mentioned some billboards that he hadn’t seen, urging Lebron to stay. The billboards consisted of a single word: Family. Mission. House. People wanted him to stay because they wanted him to affirm the value of his friends, his people, his family. From a community standpoint, we wanted our ‘hero’ to remain our hero and friend. It always hurts when someone leaves the nest. It always makes those left behind feel like we’re somehow unworthy.

I’m not really a sports fanatic (since my own kids graduated from sports in high school). But he wanted Lebron to stay. The people of Akron, of Cleveland, of Ohio, would have loved him forever. When parents abandon their children, the children always suffer. When heroes abandon their followers, they feel rejected, unloved, unimportant.

But when I look at other men his age, including my own son, they are rarely at the point in their lives where they understand this. Sure, they understand intellectually. They understand very well when someone leaves them. But they still don’t see it clearly when the shoe is on the other foot. For them, proving themselves is supreme, probably biological. Masculinity is defined by achievement, not loyalty.

And dare I say it? It is only a game. Maybe Lebron understands it better than us.

So I understand why Lebron left and I hope he achieves his dream. It is wonderful to rejoice with someone who achieves the greatest hope of him. There’s nothing wrong with trying to win, nothing wrong except maybe for the message he sends. But he is not yet old enough to go beyond winning.

To return to? I do not know. But she has already given herself to our community. I think you recognize that your many blessings give you a responsibility to give back. Let’s send him off with a hero’s farewell. Let’s wish him well and make him glad to come home. Let’s send him the message that we love him anyway, whether he plays basketball in Cleveland or not. He is, after all, our family and friend.

Copyright 2010 Cynthia J. Koelker, MD