Communication is the way you relate and connect in your relationships. It is obvious that if communication is poor, the whole relationship will be under significant stress and you are more likely to hurt each other with the words you use or with your silence. In the end, most of us prefer a fulfilling relationship in which the lines of communication are open and flowing.
Why is communication important?
Communication is what brings connection. To relate to anything or anyone we need to have some form of communication. Remember that communication is only partly about the words, more than half is transmitted by body language and more than a third by the tonality with which we pronounce the words.
One of the worst punishments given to prisoners is ‘solitary confinement’. This is because being able to connect and communicate is one of the basic needs of the human being. Removing that is the punishment.
bad communication
Silence and evasions: It is possible that in your relationship you have had days when you did not speak to each other due to arguments, misunderstandings or injuries. After a while, you usually start to communicate again, but still, silence and obstructions, which is where you pretend to listen but only engage with the gist, are two common ways communication has become poor. .
Emotional charge: Communication can become difficult when it is often charged with strong emotions like anger, frustration, and rage. The willingness to allow vulnerability and be honest is nearly impossible in the face of the emotional charge of the ‘fight or flight reaction’.
Balance: If a partner is doing more than their fair share of listening and support, communication can become poor over time. This pattern also often brings disappointment or resentment if left unaddressed.
Abuse: Communication that is filled with personal abuse and belittling will quickly become detrimental to the relationship. It is usually established in a relationship pattern with a partner with low self-esteem.
Because it hurts?
It’s simple: the examples of bad communication mentioned above show that if they continue over time, they undermine self-confidence and self-esteem to such a degree that if the relationship with oneself is not healthy, codependency forms. The reason it hurts is because the me in you that knows right and wrong is giving you a clear message: This is not acceptable!
Remember a time when you and your best friend or significant other had a fantastic time together or enjoyed each other’s company. It is in those moments when we feel that we are on the same wavelength that our interactions with each other flow. It is then that we speak the same language, that communication works healthy and easy, which may not even include words.
