Everyone wants a healthy relationship, but not everyone works towards it. Achieving a healthy relationship is a responsibility that falls on the shoulders of both parties involved. If someone asks you what are the things that can contribute to a strong and fulfilling relationship, you probably have a lot to say to make your point. They can make good points by saying, love each other, build trust, never try to cheat, be honest, etc. However, I have seen men tell me that they have tried all of these things in their relationship, and yet things have not worked out well. But that’s okay, these are the things that can help you build a strong marriage relationship.

IMPROVE YOUR VIEW.

Good sense makes a man slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11 [RSV]

Healthy relationships are not free of conflict, but they do resolve it. In other words, there is no offence-free relationship. Any relationship, whether parent to child, husband to wife, fiancé to girlfriend, or whatever, is an offensive place. If you do your best not to offend anyone, people will offend you. While your silence is a response to someone, it may be an insult to someone else. In your attempt to please two you may end up offending ten. Even when you don’t mean to, the way you speak can be offensive. Understand well, we live in a world surrounded by people who make every day a bad or a good experience. Therefore, you will no doubt be especially offended by what some people choose to do. Therefore, the relationship on any level is never a conflict-free affair. The only problem is that we fight to win and have points and the long-awaited victory, instead of fighting for solutions. We need to understand that the relationship combines different people with different experiences, different levels of exposure, norms and potentials. Our relationships must go and grow through these differences if we are to preserve our friendship relationships consistently and continuously.

Also, true love does not exempt from offenses but overlooks them. Therefore, it is one of the ways that love is tried and tested. You can’t really tell how much you love a man until he offends you and you find a place to forgive and forget him. True love is shown on the basis of forgiveness and omission. Even when it hurts so much, love forgives and overlooks an offense. If you are going to build a strong and enviable relationship, you had better learn to at least let go and forgive offenses. You can’t keep fussing and smoking on all issues. You can’t make a lasting relationship if you make a fuss every time your partner hurts your feelings. Take it or leave it, the big problems are not the destroyers of our relationships but the little foxes, the little mistakes, the little excuses, the complaints, the bitterness, the anger and the resentment.

Let me go back to where we started. He says: “Good sense makes a man slow to anger, but it is his glory to overlook offense.” He did not say that good sense prevents a man from getting angry. If I told you that you should never get angry, you would listen to that half truth. He just says to use common sense when you feel offended, angry or hurt. Common sense is applying discretion to him when sizzling frizzes in your relationship. That is, his ability to handle problems when things are about to get out of hand. Your sense of judgement, reactions and actions should at least make sense. It’s easier to be right and end up being wrong. You must apply your senses and think fast before things get worse.

I remember when I started dating years ago. The joy, excitement and passion at the beginning of our relationship was hot like fire. You know that during the initial stages of a romantic relationship, there is often more emphasis on emotions, especially those of love, intimacy, and passion, than on physical togetherness and intimacy. We would always want to see each other every day. We had time for phone calls, text messages, gifts, cards, appointments, and everything you can think of. We really love each other. However, the first four weeks of our marriage were like hell on earth. Every day brings different challenges, disagreements and conflicts. I wondered if I really married the same woman I used to know. Isn’t this the same woman I called my queen? However, I learned my lessons by understanding that our differences are the main platforms for disagreement. So how do I handle this? Otherwise, the curve will eventually break. However, we were able to handle the issues when we realized that some issues need to be overlooked.

Trying to slow down sometimes and thinking about what to do can give you an opportunity to learn how to handle problems maturely. Your spouse may see things from a different perspective than yours. But how will you understand his points if you are not careful to observe them? When you’re not patient, it doesn’t take forever to mess up what you’ve been building for years. Common sense gives you the ability to control your temper, calm down, and decide on the right approach. Good sense makes a man slow to anger, but it is his glory to overlook the offense.” Consider the final part of that scripture. It is his glory to overlook the offense. It means, after having carefully observed the present situation, you end up being celebrated for your judgment. You may even realize that it’s not an issue that should bring up disagreement. Sometimes silence can be the best response when noise fills the air.

Do you know that building a house is not as expensive as maintaining it? The construction is the last, but the maintenance is immediate, permanent and continuous. The same is applicable to our relationship. Finding someone you love isn’t as hard as keeping what you find. Maintaining a relationship is a job in itself. A work in progress. You can manage and build an enviable relationship when you realize that some mistakes, mistakes, and problems need to be overlooked. It may be difficult, but it is a task that must be accomplished. It can only be difficult when you want to win. That’s why you can criticize and blame until your anger starts to burn hotter and hotter. Looking over an offense doesn’t make you stupid. It is your glory and respect when you take such steps. It is an honor from a wise man.

Furthermore, love is an outward expression of an inward impression. The outward expression here is what you sacrifice to show your love to your spouse. The evil that you are capable of doing is good. The mistakes you can overlook, the unbearable you can put up with, and the unacceptable you are likely to accept. The inner impression there is your true love that you can never change out of anger, resentment, malice, and unforgiveness. Love that cannot be denied because of offenses. This impression of love is there to convince you that the action that provokes your anger is not intentional. So you should ignore the errors and move on. To ignore is to ignore an action that displeases your personal opinion and annoys you. Ignore here means to treat the matter as unimportant or unintentional.

Take this for example; your partner is a guy who talks. While making jokes with you, he embarrasses you in the presence of your friends. So do you immediately react in public to show your discontent? No. Sometimes there are opportunities to talk but there are no words and when there is enough to say, there is no time for it. Thus, it will create time to discuss that topic later. Even when others respond by saying it’s embarrassing, you should avoid their opinion and treat it as a joke. Just say, he didn’t really mean it. Learning to ignore failures can preserve the future and build a healthy relationship.

However, true love does not disguise your true feelings and enthusiasm. It doesn’t mean you can’t get angry. Remember, you are yourself, you cannot be someone else. You cannot hide your reactions and your anger should only be controlled. Uncontrollable anger will have an effect on your relationship. The scripture says: “Despising another person’s faults preserves love; talking about them separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9. This means that it is easier for close friends to break up if there is no contempt or neglect in your love life.

How can you do this? Control your temper.

Do you think the Bible teaches that we should not get angry? No. It just says…in your anger do not sin. Ephesians 4:26. that is, if you are angry, make sure it is not a sinful anger. Don’t give the devil a foothold in your relationship. A bad temper is not something to be proud of, but rather something to be prayed for. When you explode, you simply reveal your content, says a man. And who among us has not done it and regretted it?

Let me be more candid here. I’m not saying you have to overlook everything. No. Will a man overlook infidelity, dishonest practices, cheating and mistreatment? Of course not. That’s already beyond the pale, but such acts need to be handled differently, which we can perhaps discuss here. But in this aspect of overlooking, keep these points in mind.

1. Misdirected anger can open the door for an attack on your relationship. The unexpected will always happen, but managing it requires wisdom.
2. The bad temper will make you lose too much. It will cloud your sense of judgement. And if all you have is a hammer in your hand, then all problems look like a nail to you. Therefore, you are ready to crucify your spouse.
3. The greatest sacrifice you can make in your relationship is to forgive. Forgiveness brings peace, strong bond and unity. Always find a place to forgive in your heart.
4. Try not to keep problems too long. When things get out of hand, gather up your courage and meet with your partner to work it out. Do not delay in resolving the misunderstanding.
5. When you make a mistake, don’t be hesitant to apologize. Even if your apology doesn’t undo the wrong you’ve done, it will make amends. “I’m sorry” It’s a five-character word, but it has the power to set things right when we’re ready to put it to good use. Do it when necessary. “I’m sorry” it is a universal language that has the power to make amends. Power is only in the hands of those who use it wisely. So the question is when was the last time you put it to good use?
6. A practice patient, he is an enduring physician; he will always win and find his way to the top. He learns to tolerate each other. Be patient with each other, for this is a necessary ingredient and a recipe for the spices of love.
7. Take the time to study your partner to find out what they want from you. We get offended mainly because we don’t really know what the other likes or doesn’t like.