It was one of the most enjoyable Sunday afternoons in the Kingdom in recent months.
A subtle breeze was blowing that made the sun more pleasant for retirees and children. Residents gathered for the annual Rabbit Round-Up barbecue at the Kingdom Fairgrounds.
Longtime resident and retired plumber Delber Tardiff spoke fondly of the barbecue to the media. “The Rabbit Round-Up BBQ has been an annual event since the late 1800s, but I remember as a kid, I would bite a bit of buckshot every now and then. Those scoundrels cook a good barbecue!”
Gabby Newtonian, a former first grade teacher, said: “I’ve lost most of my teeth due to my addiction to licorice, but the well-done roasted rabbit is so tender and juicy that you don’t need teeth to enjoy it. It just melts in your mouth. “.
All guests were encouraged to have a second and third serving of the little furry creatures. The biggest fear, according to one of the event’s many sponsors, the Sisters of Traditional Beginners, or ETS as they are commonly known, is that they will run out of napkins and wipes long before the annual barbecue comes to a close. to close.
The fact is, last year, Betsy Swallowhole, the former president of ETS, fainted when she discovered that the supply of napkins ran out much faster than expected. The incident was later attributed to a calculator malfunction, but residents felt it was just another Kingdom cover-up for an STD.
The true story unfolded when local residents encouraged a herd of coyotes to come to the tables and feast on the grilled version of the food they commonly enjoy raw and in the dark.
Fred Clump, the owner of the Kingdom’s only tractor tire recapture service, boasted that coyotes were nothing more than a slightly larger version of the many stray cats that roam the area.
According to witnesses, it was not more than a minute after Fred’s statement that the coyotes became more aggressive and began feasting on the pets that local residents had brought.
Screams and screams followed as chaos turned a beautiful afternoon into a nightmare for adults and children alike. The firearms were brought out by the crowd with CCW and it was like a turkey shot; although in this case it was a coyote.
Reverend Montclair said that “there are some among us who bite the hand that feeds them, but the devil’s greed has a strange power.”
After the ruckus ended and the dust settled, a meet-your-neighbor count was made and it was determined that three of the attendees were taken away by the unrewarding and ungrateful herd of coyotes, never to be seen again. Although, in the hours that followed, a wristwatch and partial dental plaque were found a quarter of a mile from the event in the foothills behind the fairgrounds.
The Kingdom’s Director of Pedestrian Safety said that, “Coyotes are known to be partiers and become belligerent once they have a full belly. This only adds to the stereotypical view that coyotes cannot be trusted.”
Animal activist Paton Theeback condemned the Director’s comments, saying it was, “Obvious, the attendees’ behavior was malicious to lure and taunt these wonderful southwestern creatures with a grilled version of their bland diet. raw and to play psychological mind games with them to activate their natural instincts. The blame for this incident rests solely on the heads of the people of the Kingdom. “
The ETS murmured among its members and was openly committed to spreading the lasting effect of ETS throughout the community.
Just a footnote; The next morning, one of the coyotes crashing into the barbecue was found dead, apparently the adult male coyote succumbed to suffocation in a pair of mesh pantyhose.
Talking about what happened at this year’s Rabbit Round-Up BBQ will echo into the future and is bound to be relived through community storytelling from all who attended.
