We all know that planning a wedding, as exciting and wonderful as it may be, can be stressful. Preparing for a prenuptial agreement often increases that stress and can lead to emotional problems. The process you choose to create the agreement can make a difference.
Using mediation or a collaborative process can open the lines of communication, allow you and your recipient to make your wishes known, and start the marriage on a firm footing. Instead of driving a wedge between you, it can bring you closer together.
Why do mediation and collaborative law work so well? Both are models of open and honest communication.
Instead of one partner presenting the other with a drafted document ready to be signed, the two of you take the time to discuss your wants and needs together. The process encourages everyone to talk openly about their finances, so all concerns about money are exposed.
The prenuptial agreement can protect both of you – it can help ensure that the wealthy spouse receives financial support and that the wealthy spouse can protect their assets in the event of death or divorce.
Who needs a prenuptial agreement?
It used to be that prenuptial agreements were reserved for the wealthy. But there are many good reasons for the rest of us to consider making an agreement before we get married. These might be:
• To protect an inheritance that you (or your parents) want to ensure remains in your biological family.
• To make sure your family’s business stays with your birth family.
• To ensure that both you and your fiancé receive financial support during the marriage if there is a large income gap between the two of you.
• To make sure that you and your fiancé are protected from each other’s debts.
• If one of you has children from a previous marriage, to make sure those children are financially protected.
Using mediation for a prenuptial agreement
The mediator meets with the couple and helps them create a space for open communication. This allows the couple to discuss everything that is most important to them, including their fears, expectations, and insecurities around money in the marriage. You can also use your sessions to talk about other topics, such as whether you will have children or where you will live. These are just some of the things I could discuss. The point is, this is a great time to tell your fiancé about your hopes and dreams for a happy life together.
The mediator remains a neutral party who helps guide the conversation, clarifies points, and helps you make decisions together. The mediator can help both of you deepen a conversation on sensitive topics. Then the mediator will remember your agreement in writing.
You and your future will need your own attorneys to review the agreement before signing it. You should ask your own attorney to review it with you so that the prenuptial agreement is enforceable.
Using collaborative law for a prenuptial agreement
The collaborative law process involves the couple and two collaborating attorneys, one for each party. Collaborative attorneys are trained in mediation skills to help guide the conversation and create a safe space for the couple to discuss their values and goals, fears, and insecurities around money in the relationship. You can bring in a neutral financial planner to help you through the process.
Collaborative attorneys can answer legal questions and provide legal advice on the spot, which you can use to help you make decisions together. At the end of the process, an attorney will draft the agreement and both of you will review it with your clients.
Both mediation and the collaborative process keep you and your fiancé in the driver’s seat, and help you create an agreement that is tailored to your situation.
Other Suggestions
What makes a good prenuptial agreement? The courts want to know that such an agreement is fair and that you have entered into the agreement with your eyes open. Here are some tips to ensure this:
• Start early. The sooner the process starts (and ends), the better. Take enough time to really think things through and gather all the information you need. A prenuptial agreement signed days before the wedding can be considered coercive.
• Hire your own review or review attorney. Talk to that person alone. Be honest about your hopes and fears. Interview a few to see who you feel comfortable with.
• Be honest about your finances. The more open you are about what you have, the more you will protect yourself in the future.
• Take a good look at what your spouse tells you about your assets. Does that make sense, given what you know about your expenses?
• Think about the agreement. It’s fair? Will it leave you both with enough to live? To rebuild your life? Does it suit you?
conclusion
By starting a conversation about finances and other sensitive topics before the beginning of a marriage, you can ensure that your goals and values are aligned with those of your future spouse. Having these potentially difficult conversations through mediation or the collaborative process can strengthen the agreement, facilitate discussions, and help start your marriage with open and honest communication and end with happily ever after.
