Have you completely forgotten about your physical needs since the death of your loved one? Perhaps you have lost all interest in life. Are you afraid to focus your attention on anything other than the deceased, because you think doing so means he is being disrespectful?
Forgetting yourself and thinking that any form of enjoyment during grief is wrong causes unnecessary suffering to millions of mourners. The beliefs that feed these behaviors exist and are reinforced based on the lack of information about the nature of the complaint process.
Grief is hard mental and physical work; It affects all organs and systems of the body. The most important thing to understand is that what you think about and how you perceive the death of your loved one is a major stressor. Stress is overlooked at first. As the days go by, constant stress begins to take its toll in the form of confusion, lack of sleep, colds, headaches, and digestive upsets.
If you don’t take systematic breaks from your grievance, eventually the stress of grief will force you to stay out of it. Here are some ways to be kind to yourself, maintain your health, and minimize the chances of extending your complaint work.
1. Being kind to yourself begins with the intention to change your old beliefs that you can’t enjoy at any time during grief. Your natural inclinations will be to fight to change these beliefs. But give yourself a break; you are not betraying your loved one. Every day plan a moment, or if you prefer, when you feel the need, apologize to take care of yourself. Refuse to deny yourself. What can you do?
2. Go to your private place. Choose a place in your home where you can be free from the noise of other people talking and the phone ringing. Too much time with other people during the day can limit the time you need alone to consider certain aspects of the death and your grievance without interruption.
This is where restoration through meditation, music, solitude, or rest will replenish the severe loss of energy associated with grief (fear, anger, guilt, and depression consume enormous amounts of energy). If you can’t be alone from the start, for whatever reason, ask a friend to come with you while you take a breather.
3. Be kind to yourself with the benefits of beauty. Go to a beautiful area near your home. Whenever the opportunity arises, and you see a beautiful image, a tree, a body of water, or a scene, use it as a sign that a power greater than yourself is telling you, pause and enjoy. Beauty is a powerful stress reducer and healer. Focus all your attention on him. Your body will greatly benefit from this mental relaxation and it is perfectly fine to redirect your attention in this way.
4. At appropriate times, whatever you feel is appropriate, immerse yourself in loving memories that include (or not) your loved one. Think of times when you felt loved. Review the details of the location, the people involved, what was said and what was given or received. Think about what was learned in those moments and how you could share the insights you received with others. Love will help you get over your great loss.
5. Be kind to yourself by putting off important decisions. Selling your home right away, or walking away from the memories of life with your loved one, can add to your burden, if done too soon. They can easily turn into additional losses for you as time goes on and you look back at what you gave up. If possible, give yourself a year to consider big moves or decisions. Be sure to consult friends, experts, and family for information. Then make a decision based on what you want.
6. Take time to read, not just books by other people who have dealt with loss, but also by thoughtful authors like Thomas Moore, Henri Nouwen, Wayne Dyer, and others who can give you new insights and help you on the important quest of meaning. . He may not be able to read anything at the beginning of your complaint. However, as the weeks go by, he asks friends, clergy and librarians for recommendations. You will be surprised by the wealth of material that will help you heal.
7. Name your self-pity and parenting time because it’s a big deal. It’s part of a healthy adjustment to a major loss. Call it “My time” or “Be nice to me time” (or for 30 minutes). Find a catchy name and expect it as something you deserve, as you deserve.
Then get in the habit of taking a walk to your favorite coffee shop, whether it’s a Mobil station or a Starbucks. Exercise alone can be very helpful as an outlet for tension and anxiety. Give a warm hello to the person behind the counter. Human contact is essential.
In short, starting a new routine like the ones recommended above, or inventing one of your own, is a critical factor in resetting. Remember that it is very important, part of your new life to start small routines that give you enjoyment and contact with others. Taking care of yourself is your right and obligation when doing your complaint work.
