Ok, you’ve followed some very good advice and cut off contact with your ex. Now, according to a lot of information that is available online, you should expect them to magically come back to you in the space of a few weeks. However, the problem lies in the fact that each one is different. It’s a nice theory, but your ex is different from millions of other people, and it’s almost inconceivable that you could lump them all together and paint them all with the same brush. No two people act exactly the same way.

But what you can do is take advantage of general human psychology. And one thing about human psychology is that we always assign more value to what is inaccessible or harder to get. If something is scarce, it will have a higher perceived value in our minds. If you become short in the days after the breakup, it stands to reason that your ex will start looking at you in a more positive light.

Conversely, if you refuse to give up and continually tell them how much you love them and miss them, then your perceived value will be nil. In fact, it will be less than nothing because of your behavior. You are telling your ex that you are available anytime they change their mind. Every time they have a whim to talk to you, you will be there. In fact, you are likely to be there even if you get a little roughed up. It’s like giving them a ticket to do whatever they want with no repercussions.

Okay, so you become scarce, now what? Well, just vanishing isn’t going to work in most situations. It’s a good first step, but you need to build on that psychological advantage.

Anyone can just cut off contact with their ex, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to get it back anytime soon. Do not forget that here you are also fighting against time. Given enough time, your ex will start to lose those old familiar feelings. Sure, they may start to miss you in the first few days, but gradually, they will move on with their own life and possibly meet new people and enjoy new relationships. You don’t want that to happen.

That is why you also have to remind them how much they love you and how much they will miss you. If you keep in touch with them, you are still in their life. Even if you have to be friends for now, it’s better than disappearing completely. As long as you keep in touch, you have the option of persuading them to get back into the relationship over time.

So while you want to avoid any desperate behavior and harassing messages, don’t cut off contact for too long. Give it a week or so and make yourself available. Being available means not being worried about meeting them in public or in certain social circles. In fact, you should welcome the chance to accidentally stumble upon them. Once you do, treat them with the utmost respect and courtesy, and whatever you do, don’t mention the previous relationship or try to get intimate with them. Don’t tell them how much you love them and how much you miss them. Instead, just be a friend and let your charming personality work its magic. Your ex fell for you the first time, he could easily do it again.