There is no denying that the special occasions that occur while you are on a trial separation can be awkward, to say the least. One of the most confusing special occasions is the anniversary. You may not be sure how you are supposed to recognize it. For one thing, many wives see it as an opportunity. What better day to try to do or say something to get your husband back? But most know that this plan is not without risk. If you do or say the wrong thing, you have done it on a day that is sacred.
Someone could describe this dilemma: “My husband and I have been separated for about four months. It was his decision to separate. Everyone who knows us knows that I did not want the separation and that now I am quite miserable. Many of our members of me family support me. I am close to my husband’s family. I am not going to stop communicating with them just because my husband is confused right now. That would be cruel and asking too much of me. Our 15th anniversary is coming in a couple of weeks. My mother-in-law has insisted on having a reunion for us at her home. I have expressed concern to her that it might be awkward considering the separation. But she insists on doing so. She says she loves us and wants us to be together as a family. Apparently my husband has accepted this. My mother-in-law has told me that she is going to ask me to say a few words before dinner and that I should take the opportunity to say something and try to get my husband back. She wants us to go back to being together, but I am concerned that my husband will not appreciate this plan. I don’t mind saying a few words, but I’m not sure what to say. And I’m not sure how my husband will react to this. What words should I say during my separation to get my husband back? “
Respect the occasion without adding pressure: This situation is potentially complicated. I suspect it’s unrealistic to think that you can just refuse to say something or pretend it’s not your anniversary. Everyone knows that she is, as evidenced by her mother-in-law’s plans. And it would be a shame not to acknowledge that we’ve been together for so long, even though you’ve had some tough times lately.
At the same time, I think it could be a mistake to put so much pressure on the situation. In my experience, a reconciliation often doesn’t happen because someone said a few words over the course of a day or on one occasion. Instead, it occurs on a number of occasions and is a gradual process.
That doesn’t mean you can’t say something poignant and poignant. But I think it’s a mistake (and could be setting up an awkward exchange) if you and your mother-in-law assume that there are some magic words that will lead you to reconciliation.
Say something true but sure: I would suggest simply trying to make the day a happy occasion when a family gets together to spend time together. Without a doubt, that is cause for celebration. Things may not go exactly the way you want them to. But still, everyone is healthy and will all be together. Not everyone has that luxury.
When it’s time to say a few words, I would suggest keeping things positive, but simple. How about “I feel so lucky to be here with all of you. I love this family and I hope we all have many more celebrations to come. Thank you for being here with me today.”
You have not said anything that could be offensive or uncomfortable. And she’s made it clear that she not only appreciates her mother-in-law’s thoughtfulness, but she loves her husband, loves her family, and hopes everyone will join in again next year. You are not going out and saying it, but your words make it clear that you are waiting for a reconciliation. And at the same time, if your husband is not ready to hear this, the words could be taken differently as well.
Yes, you are playing it safe, but you are also trying to make sure everyone enjoys a day that should remain special and free of discomfort. Hopefully, you are also laying the groundwork for better days to come.
