If you were to ask an estranged wife living without her husband if she wants him back, even if he doesn’t want to be there 100%, many estranged wives would say yes, she would want him back however she could get him back. . However, if you are a wife who knows that her husband doesn’t want to be with you, but he feels too guilty or compelled to leave, he may feel differently.
You may hear a wife say, “My husband has almost told me that he is no longer in love with me and is no longer interested in our marriage. He does not relate to me in any way.” He comes home, has dinner in the living room. He doesn’t say a word to me and then watches TV until bedtime. I try to talk to him, but he almost ignores me. I told him the other day that it was obvious that we hadn’t invested in our marriage anymore. I told him I wanted to know what he was going to do about it. He said he wasn’t going to do anything about it, although he didn’t deny that it wasn’t invested. I asked him why he wasn’t doing anything and his response was, ‘I can’t leave you.’ He says that he would feel too guilty if he left me alone. He says he knows I would fight. His father left the family when he was a child and he knows the pain of living in a household with no major income and no father figure. So he insists he won’t leave But he also admits that, in a perfect world, he wouldn’t stay. Where does this leave me? I mean, I guess there’s some comfort in knowing he’s gone. I won’t leave right away. But what kind of victory is it when I know he’d rather be anywhere else? He doesn’t want to be with me. But he has too strong a conscience to leave.
I understand why this is so annoying. Whether he leaves or not, he still feels like rejection when you know he would want to leave if the situation was different. And regardless of what the future holds, it hurts him to know that his spouse is no longer present at his marriage. Besides, who knows if he’ll one day change his mind and decide that leaving isn’t so impossible after all?
Use the time you have: However, with all of this being said, I want to emphasize that you have an advantage here that you may not realize. Yeah, it sucks to have him home just for the sake of him. But he is at home. This gives you something to work with. I can tell you from experience that when her husband is not living with you, it is very difficult to save your marriage. It’s a little easier when he’s still home, because at least you have access to him, even if he’s not exactly vigilant.
Believe that things can change: The key here is to change the dynamic. Yeah, he’s not happy right now. And it is true that he is not invested. But frankly, if he can figure out what has contributed to her drift and his unhappiness and then he can fix it, he may have a husband who will one day be engaged and involved again.
I am not going to tell you that this process is easy. But I know that this process is possible. I have done it myself. You have to be careful with the pace. Because you don’t want it to seem like every effort and change you make is only for their benefit and is only temporary. You want everything you do to seem absolutely real and completely genuine.
But, on the plus side, you have time. He has said that he won’t be leaving anytime soon, and this is not always the case for everyone. Many wives are working in an almost impossible time frame, leading them to try desperate things that often don’t work.
Solve this methodically: You have the luxury of time. I know that may not seem like a huge advantage now, but it is. Write down the possible things that have soured your marriage (especially from your perspective) and rank them. Then ask yourself what you could do to improve them. It might be unrealistic to think that you can completely eradicate them in a short period of time, but even small gestures can make things significantly better. If you tackle them one by one, eventually they will all disappear.
And the gradual improvement that occurs over time is real. She gives her husband something to believe in. Keep this very methodical with each item on your list. At the very least, the situation should gradually improve. And before you know it, you may discover that you have a husband who stays because she really wants to and not because she feels like she has to.