fear of being alone

fear of being alone

“Nowhere can man find a calmer or quieter retreat than in his soul.”

-Marcus Aurelius

A topic that comes up more frequently when coaching people is their fear of being alone. It’s sad to know that there are so many lonely people in the world who don’t know how to enjoy their life unless they have a partner. Tom Cruise’s famous line, “You complete me” sounds so sweet and sweet in the movies, but when you need someone to make you complete, it’s time to do some soul-searching.

It is a dream for many to share their lives with someone, to live happily ever after and to know that they have loved and were loved by someone. But, if for some reason that is not your reality and you find yourself single again or you are still single, what is wrong with you that you do not enjoy your own company?

Loneliness and the fear of being alone seem to set in when all you aspire to is a relationship. Or, when all you really care about is being connected with someone and being alone you feel like something is wrong with you. The only thing wrong with you is that it becomes your only focus.

Well, if that’s the case, how the hell do you think you’re going to feel when the one thing you want isn’t there?

You can even get to the point of being desperate and we all know that’s not attractive, not to mention that despair is a horrible feeling. So why, given the choice, would you want to submit to fear and loneliness? This is where people lose perspective. They don’t believe they have a choice and they also don’t understand that what they focus on in life will become what they experience.

So if being alone and feeling bad because you don’t have someone is on your mind a lot, you will attract what you focus on, which is being alone and feeling bad and that is exactly what you will get; more loneliness and more sadness.

But more specifically, why do you need someone else to be happy? There are many other ways to find fulfillment and happiness in your life, but you only focus on one solution, a partner who “completes” you. I say, “Get a life.” Take back your power. Don’t give it to someone “out there” you don’t even know yet.

Learn to love yourself and to want to be with yourself. When you start to “get out of yourself,” so to speak, and volunteer your time, learn about a new topic, do yoga, go to a cooking class or learn a new language, learn to play an instrument, write a book , read a book or whatever, you become a more interesting person!

Also, the best part is that you don’t focus on your life being so terrible because you don’t have anyone in it. Instead, you have several interesting and satisfying goals that fill your time while you hang out and enjoy your own company.

Last but not least, you become your best friend and you really start enjoying your life. And that new feeling of satisfaction and aura of confidence will emanate from you. Not only will you get rid of that unrelenting feeling of loneliness, but you may even learn that it’s okay to be alone after all.

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